A week or two back, I mentioned that the council had nicked the road outside my flat, planing it away while my back was turned. Unfortunately, in their enthusiasm they managed to skim the top off a water pipe, with the result that – for the first time in two hundred years – Loch Skirving saw the light of day once more. This historic landmark was the location of the last great inland naval battle under sail, and more recently of a few traffic cones and a roadworks sign.

It’s also been frozen over on at least two nights, which has presented interesting navigational problems, since it stretches right across the road. And the traffic is cars, of course, hurtling down the road at impressively ludicrous speeds, suddenly finding themselves with a lack of traction even the Conservative Party would find impressive.

Alas, it seems the noble Loch’s days are numbered. They number three, in fact, for on Monday Scottish Water are turning up to drain and generally fix it. They’re also turning off the mains for the whole area, and warn there’ll be considerable noise. All this on a charming notice, posted on all the close doors around the area… except mine.

Given that the Loch sits right outside my front door, you’d think this was a bit of an oversight, no?