Dishwasher blues

The landlord and I have been discussing the dishwasher, which he inherited from the builders:

“Have you any idea what the buttons do?”

“I was hoping you might have worked it out.”

“Hmm. Well, so far as I can tell, this red one sets it to leave a liberal coating of small particles of grit all over the mugs and glasses.”

“Right. What about the green one – is that some sort of eco programme? Oh, but then, you’d expect the red one to wash better…”

“…whereas the green one seems to do a better job, yes. But yesterday I opened the door in the middle of a green programme, and the water was cold.”

“But there wasn’t any grit?”


“How about looking for manuals online? And what about that button that appears to be labeled with a stylised mushroom cloud?

“Woo! I found a video of Bosch engineers cleaning the filters!”

“Any good?”

“You can hear the zoom button on the camera. And the captions are in Comic Sans.”

My search was not entirely successful. Bosch/Neff have a support site (unlinkable, since it’s inexplicably behind an https cookiewall) from where one’s supposed to be able to download PDFs of instruction manuals, but so far as I can tell it doesn’t actually work. And yes, I tried Virtual PC and an old enough version of IE that it usually does the job with brain-dead sites.

Back to the Fairy liquid, then.


  1. If you posted a picture of the control panel, maybe one of your readers would be able to identify it 😉

  2. I’m surprised you’ve not thought of contacting East Yorkshire’s premier kitchen appliance repair centre 😉

  3. Knowing what sites there are, and having to help Mum and Nige through the stupid GUI’s, it doesn’t surprise me the site’s no good.
    One rather big manufacturer’s site is designed for 1024×768 screens using fixed width graphics and tables, and switching the scrolling off. So you really can’t use it unless you’ve a big monitor. When asked what do you do if your screen resolution can’t go that high, they said, “Buy a better screen”.

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