Author: Jonathan Sanderson

CBBC commissioning rounds have typically had a few hundred submissions. The recent one had – and I’d advise you to be sitting down – 2,500. I actually feel quite sorry for the BBC about this, because wading through that lot is going to be a somewhat onerous task. Heck, finding somewhere to put them all will be tricky.

But let’s think about it for a moment. Coming up with an idea, writing a pitch, talking it through with somebody senior, redrafting it, preparing something even slightly glossy, and submitting it – that all costs money. By my reckoning, £400 is conservative. That’s a cool million spent on pitches.

Currently, there seems to be a round of call-backs/pitch meetings going on, which involve (in my case) another day’s work, being flown to London, and put up in an hotel… and there are three of us going. So far as I can gather there are circa 100 such meetings (again, conservative), at let’s say an average cost of another £400. So that’s another £40k.

There are, one gathers, about 7 commissions up for grabs. Suppose each of those commissions is worth £750,000. The ‘production fee’ for a CBBC show (in a facile sense, the profit margin) is – I believe – 15%.

(15% of £750k) × 7 commissions = £787500.

By this reckoning, whatever the outcome of this commissioning round, the children’s TV industry is going to make a net loss.

Of course, I’ve not taken co-production money into consideration, nor future international sales. This is hardly a thorough analysis. But you see my point, no?

(while I’m at it: at the Edinburgh TV Festival the BBC admitted that they’re also looking at the future of children’s programming on BBC1. Interesting.)

On 31st January I wrote a bit of a rambling post (yes, really) that should have gone:

Didn’t get the job, didn’t get the girl.

Yesterday, I wrote another rambling post that should have gone:

Got the job, got the girl.

That is all.

Back in Glasgow, that is. A goooooood week – more later, doubtless. Maybe much later, we’ll see. Meanwhile: arrrrghhhh! Panic! Arrggghhhh! Too busy! Arrgghhh! I’m in London on Tuesday for a pitch meeting, which is rather exciting, then a week on Monday I start work in Dublin. Yes – I got the job, we’ve agreed terms, and we’re kicking off on the eighteenth. I’m hugely excited about it, actually, though mildly scared that between now and then I need to think of some blisteringly clever stuff to say about the show, and start to work out in what direction I wish to steer it this year. But hey, I’m sure I’ll cope.

Meanwhile – I’ve been offline for a week. 854 emails arrived, NetNewsWire is back over 5000 unread, and I gather that lonelygirl15 is definitely a hoax. Wait, that last one isn’t news, right?

Hugh MacLeod finally confesses to the existence of a secret blogosphere A-list, months after I revealed the first hints of such a thing. I knew it! See, I told you! Hah!

Next week, I’ll reveal the results of my research tracking down the super-secret wiki that’s used to coordinate the Bilderberg Group. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff on there about… excuse me, there’s a knock at the door…

A little while ago, BoingBoing had a series of posts about earwax and ear picks, from which we learned that there are two basic types of the stuff – the squishy yellow stuff with which I’m unpleasantly familiar, and a dryer flakier variant that’s apparently more prevalent in Asia.

But now, via the most excellent Inky Circus, we have a proper lab analysis of the yellow stuff.

Eu eu eu!

What, you’ve not been caught up in this yet? For heaven’s sake! You call yourself a citizen of the net, and you’ve not watched every single one of lonelygirl15‘s videos on YouTube? You’ve not joined the raging is-she-or-isn’t-she (a marketing shill) debate? Not even in the LA Times or New York Times or BusinessWeek? Blimey.

OK, so… the story so far: cute, doe-eyed, apparent-teenager starts posting ‘girl talking to webcam’ videos. So far, so generic. But the videos are very well put-together, ‘Bree’ is an engagingly funny performer, and after a little character-building there’s a bit of a plot that bubbles up. People start to notice that Bree is remarkably well-lit (which, frankly, is a dead give-away. Lighting is hard).

Somewhere along the way, Lonelygirl15 becomes the hottest thing on YouTube, and debate rages. Is it a viral marketing scheme? Is there a whole production team hiding behind the door, trying to get signed to HBO? Did they make all the films in a single batch, or have they faked comments interaction too? And, remarkably, plenty of people still seem to think that the whole thing is absolutely what it purports to be. Yeah, right.

Me? I think I’m watching near-genius production, that Bree is perfectly cast, and I’m fascinated to see how the makers propose to make money out of this – or even cover their costs. More likely, I think, is that they knew a fantastic young actress and decided to try something… and it all got a bit carried-away… and they’re wondering about the money thing as much as the rest of us.

In the meantime, I can’t begin to say how much I think Flash video sucks. Ugh ugh ugh!

Any TV company thinking of hiring me had better take note: of late, I’ve worked for IWC Media (bought by RDF), Mentorn (bought by Tinopolis), SMG Media (rejected merger deal with Ulster TV, but something’s likely to happen soon, it seems), and The Comedy Unit. Who, yesterday, were bought by RDF (more here).

This is, I think, good news for Gavin and co. They’re no longer quite so out on a limb, swimming against the tide of the ‘superindie,’ and they’ve instantly acquired things like New York and Los Angeles offices, international sales arms, and major clout with the broadcasters. Plus the founders will – one assumes – have pocketed a chunk of change for their efforts over the last ten years, and frankly, it couldn’t happen to nicer people. Plus the timing’s right – it’s going to be increasingly hard for a moderate-sized company to play the (shrinking) game.

Of particular note in that Herald story is the brief quote from David Frank, RDF’s Chief Exec, that The Comedy Unit is one of the ‘best managed businesses in the genre.’ I’d say that’s right, and encouragingly insightful. In an industry where absurdly rubbish management is the norm, Colin and April have developed a company atmosphere of healthy internal criticism and mutual support, without stifling individual creativity. They’re not control freaks, but they’re not absentees either. That’s a rare balance, and working there was a rare pleasure.

But anyway, it looks like I’m some sort of merger/takeover totem. Does that put my rates up?

Just some more stuff from other sites:

• Cabel (of Panic) offers a videogamer’s perspective on the Nike+iPod ecosystem. Lateral, funny, and bizarrely inspiring. If only they did a Nike+ cycle computer… except that listening to music while cycling is downright dangerous, I guess.
• My web host, Dreamhost, have a blog. In keeping with most of the rest of their communications, it’s a little… well, let’s just say that you could guess they were in California, even if you didn’t know already. Josh has an amusing post up about how his wife got caught by an email phishing scam, that’s worth reading as a lesson to be wary.
• via Gavin Bell – an explanation of car stability control systems. Both my current and previous cars have had some sort of stability augmentation. On the (front-wheel drive) MINI it was unobtrusive and subtle, allowing a goodly amount of understeer to develop before gently capping the perceived yaw rate. I left it on. On my (rear-wheel drive, mid-engined) Smart roadster, it’s… well, there’s something odd. It certainly kicks in if the tail gets a little frisky, but by then I’ve usually corrected it myself, and while I’ve never got into an oscillation it has felt pretty weird at times. The thing is, I’m not sure if that’s the stability control, or just how the car is – a short wheelbase, mid-engineed, lightweight car with a wallop of turbo lag is always going to be a bit highly-strung. Is the stability software helping tame it, or making the ‘snap’ less predictable? I really need to take it onto a circuit to find out. One of these days…
• Alan: Airfix parent Humbrol goes into receivership. Nooooo! Though I’m equally astonished that it’s Humbrol who own the trademark ‘Plasticene.’
• Six Apart, publishers of blog software Movable Type and TypePad, amongst others, are about four blocks down the road from Technorati, publishers of the whole world, mwuah-hah-hah-haaaaaa! This video illustrates their cunning optimised message-passing ‘puppynet’ service.

My sporadic claim to be a Yorkshireman is usually viewed as being mildly tenuous, on the grounds that Kingston-upon-Hull is only historically a Yorkshire city. I counter by explaining that when I was born, it really was in the East Riding, the nonsense that was Humberside only staggering along a good while later, but frankly all that’s by the by: I’m a Yorkshireman, and there’s now’t you can do about it.

It’s with some pleasure, therefore, that I discover – via a circuitous route commencing at the erudite Mr. Coates‘ blog – that one famous son of the city was John Venn, of the Diagram. Most excellent. I have to wonder, however, why we never covered him on Local Heroes. He invented a cricket bowling machine? I feel a demo coming on…

Say the BBC, further relating due deference to that whole ‘nobody told us it was impossible, so we bally did it’ British wartime zeal. But of course, what we really want to know is how he’s going to deal with the tricky issue of Guy Gibson’s labrador. Oh, and will it still feature that orchestral theme?